Why to Slow Down a little in life

In today’s world, everyday we are running , sometimes  kids are getting late for school, then their homework, then packing lunch. Similarly, a person working in office rushes every morning to his workplace, in office he’s rushing to finish his work , while coming home he’s rushing to grocery stores, or to beat traffic. And in life , we are rushing to be ahead of all family and friends. But the life we are living is a running race to nowhere. We get so tired both  physically and mentally because of so many things going in our minds and by physically running around.

Screen Shot 2017-08-03 at 5.16.08 PMOur life is temporary, like a water bubble. We all are living today’s life as if we are going to stay on mother Earth forever. Each day of our life  is just a path to our final journey with Eternity. But why we live in delusion of staying on Earth for ever. If we say, we know this truth and thats why we are finishing all work that is assigned to us. But, the only work assigned to us all is to stay joyful , happy and content. We are doing all expect just being ourselves.Most of the people are stuck stuck either in past and or future. I was like this too, till I started realizing beauty  of slowing down in life.

When we slow down and look at same things that we have been looking for long, we may find great difference. We start appreciating the things and look at God as a great painter, who has painted such a beautiful Earth. We can feel our inhales and exhales, can feel the life in our body, can see the green color of plants , blue ocean, we start living and feeling the deep sense in all things, living or non living. We find beauty in silence rather than in words, in nature. We start feeling more rather than doing more. We start behaving like Human beings, because earlier we were only Doings. What earlier felt heavy, burden, remorse, sadness now appears light, joy and happiness.

For some people there is misconception that slowing down leads to boredom. What is boredom? I would say it is disease which has engulfed most of the world. Why parents want to keep their kids busy all the time, to utilize their energies otherwise they may  get bored. People these days work more , to keep themselves busy, otherwise they will be bored. We keep checking social networking sites or our emails all the time, just to kill our boredom.

Actually , we are bored when we waste too much energy in doing things or activities , we don’t want to do. In reality, we want to do something we love, we desire from heart, may be that is not feasible, and than we get bored. I was bored till I reached mid twenties. I was doing everything in outside world, yet I was bored, because I never knew what I really liked doing. I was not connected to my inner being. A person who is in perfect company of himself and his passion, is never bored. Boredom is not because of surroundings, people or events actually we our bored of own company. We do not enjoy our own company , so we keep running till we are tired. Boredom is running from ourselves and get ourselves diverted so much, till we can call that diversion “busy”. Boredom may leads to busyness in material world, and to fulfilling our external wants.  In  this process we loose our energies, ourselves and have no capacity to help others.  A real person who is helping others, living his life purpose, will always be available for others happiness and sorrows , despite been really busy. These people have time and energy for everything in life, because they are doing what they enjoy and love.

When to Slow down in Life:

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1) Slow down when our To do list increases:

Sometimes our life becomes a to do list for ourselves, and for others around us. I personally made  my to do list.  To my shock, when I tried to finish this list, it became longer, because wants and desires never finish. This resulted in restlessness, and uneasiness in life. It does not mean we should stay idle and can call it slowing down. There is balance in life. Either we want to relax all day, or work all day. When we really find balance in life, he won’t even need vacation to refresh ourselves, we will be refreshed all the time.

We need to have regular check on our daily Todo list and To do list of  life.But, when we find ourselves and our mind just engulfed in this only, we need to slow down and reconnect to ourselves.

We should always  keep some part of our day, for ourselves; depending on our work how much we can afford and how much time we need to tune to ourselves. Suppose we are merged in responsibilities and don’t know  how to tune within ourselves or slow down.

Simply stay still in that present moment, observe your inhales and exhales, drop  our list, and do nothing for sometime.

2)Slow down when we get triggers

Slowing down does not mean just in physical outside world, we even need to slow down from within ourselves.

Slow down when we get initial traces of anger, irritation, or any negative feeling. Suppose , we ignore these feelings, and keep blaming others, a day will come when we won’t be able handle these feelings anymore. We will feel broken and tired from within, if we keep living life by ignoring ourselves.

Realize everything happens for a reason, and it’s wise to understand these negative emotions are just kind of signal that we need to start our inner journey. If we don’t listen to these feelings early, then we may move on a wrong path. Path is wrong when it does not lead to joy and peace despite material success.

When we slow down and enjoy tiny gifts of life, we are charging ourselves in the right direction. We must use our energies in right direction rather than in thinking , grumbling, complaining. Never waste energies in any negative feeling.  But what if by slowing down, our mind runs after all the pending works, insecurities, pain areas. So,  we may prefer to keep ourselves busy, to keep our mind diverted from the tensions and negative feelings, and keep running from ourselves. This may seem correct till we have energy to push ourselves, which wont last  for long. We can happily spend all earned money to cure ourself. How wise is this? So, Love yourself, because you deserve it.

If we don’t know what to do, start my sitting with eyes close, for 10 minutes everyday and just observe your thoughts. Please do not hang on to your thoughts and travel with them.

Go out in Nature , and appreciate at least one thing that you have ignored earlier. Nature is the best healer.

3)Slow down in our Wants and our Tradeoffs in Life

We should try to put ceiling on our wants and desires. All our desires are unlimited. I always found my friends complaining ,that they want more money as they earn so little. At that point, I thought, if I had that much I would never complain. But I landed in their bracket of earning and found myself complaining. It is true for most of us, because we want more for ourselves  and and  our families. Keep in mind, prices will rise, society will put pressure, our comfort levels will increase and hence our lifestyle will always change. But, we have to find a right focus and balance two worlds(inner and outside). We could live really well in both worlds, if we can learn the art of managing in little less in outside world. We generally loose ourselves, when we run after maintaining social status and pleasing others. Time comes when we are jealous of people who have less but are happy.

We all need to slow down in life to find our proper balance between our material wants and Joy. Nothing comes for free. Your joy can be the cost of your materialistic success. Find your tradeoff and do your tradeoffs very wisely in life. We generally Trade off anything for Power, Money, Success. We think this trade off is fair. It may be fair for some , according to their capacity and wants but not for all. We should do our own tradeoff,  never follow others or their journey even in tradeoff.

Try to find joy in viewing humming bird, feeling the breeze, viewing the ocean, watching squirrels playing on trees. But we miss these so much these days just to catch up and compensate our material success for these.

4) Slow down to catch up with our inner self

Remember that we don’t need to be perfect in external life all the time. It’s okay to be late, it’s okay to catch on things we love to do. It is fine not be people pleaser, at our own cost. Sometimes, we keep on pushing ourselves a lot. We spend our whole lives proving ourselves innocent and right, not to a judge in court, but to people around us. We must prove ourselves to just ourselves, that is our conscientious.

If our conscientious is clear, we will be happy and joyful from within. But there is difference between clear conscientious and conscientious lost, so be honest . If your conscientious is lost, you will be irritated, lifeless person to whom life is not a joy but a burden. In some cases people yell to say we are right to others. Be gentle to them, as they are lost souls. There time has not yet come to start there journey within. If possible, give them lots of love  because they need the most.

5)Slow down to find True Purpose and Goal

Most of us live life as is desired by others. First Study, then get a job , marry, have kids, and retire. We don’t question anything as we are programmed to follow the crowd. Which is fine, as long as we are fine and happy.

But our real purpose is to find what we love to do and  then live a life fulfilling that purpose.We all need to slow down to do the things we really love, that will connect us to our true self. If we don’t know, just stay open to trying new things and we will find one. I never knew Yoga will become my life, when I landed in Yoga class by accident. Similarly, I never knew about my writing hobby, till I started writing, to just pen down my feeling. Only time when I really feel great , pure and joyful is when I am doing Yoga or writing. I had days, when I was just living without realizing my breath, my passion and purpose.

6)Slow down  when we are in Rat Race

Learn from others, may be acquire there good habits, but never ever follow Masses. I live in Silicon Valley, it is hard not to be part of this rat race. If you are not part of this race, you are odd man out. We have  peer pressure , family pressure, even as parents sometime we encounter pressure. Pressure of which coding class your kid is going too, what are your plans for kids future, how much are you saving for them, and so on. By these pressures, we start following others, assuming they will lead us. I still do this sometime, not often. Then I remind myself – I have to slow down and find my path, as I am unique being.

7) Slow down to raise our frequency and attract good.

We all want good in life, but we attract our tribe and life by our vibe. For that , first of all we have to find at what frequency our stations are loud and clear, without any disturbances. Just like when we listen to radio or Fm channels we tune them to right then left , till we get the perfect station that we want. Similarly , we have to  go and find our  perfect  tune from this Universe.

Let’s all find our Tune- I found my tune in listening to music(carols or bhajans) and reading books, that helped me to grow in my journey. I tune myself back, whenever I feel low, angry or any negative feelings. We should take some time to do things that help us to connect. But , my friend said she get tuned by drinking alcohol or by smoking. This is the biggest lie, because these don’t have any frequency and they will or would destroy your frequencies too. These are external pleasures of senses, not tuning. Please don’t be mislead by wrong pleasures as Tuning. If we mislead ourselves and the day when we really want to Tune within, we will get no music, no melody, no peace , no contentment, and no joy of being. In short we won’t be receiving any signals.

8) Slow down to arouse feelings of empathy and compassion for others

If we want empathy, compassion and love all the time and don’t have time or capacity to give to others, then we are not harming others but ourselves.

A real being is able t understand others pain, comforts them, treat them as human in all situations. If we treat someone nice, till they are fulfilling our wishes and treat them really bad afterwards, if shows a lot about ourselves. We need to find time to put ourselves in others shoes and understand them, instead of just criticizing them. Compassion and empathy are the basic qualities for being joyful. We should do this for our happiness, not as a favor to others.

Let’s create a happy and joyful life by just slowing a little.

Responsibility & Acceptance

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My first and foremost stepping stone was to take responsibility of myself and my life.  I had wasted enough life blaming people, situations, and everything in life; resulted into my unhappiness. In my imagination, I had filled perfect colors in my life picture. But, I was stuck in darkness, negativity inside & around, fighting, being angry, and never wanted to accept my life. It took me long time to cross my first stepping stone.

Responsibility was a big word for me, before marriage I was brought up by parents and after marriage my husband took care of me. I always wanted to take responsibility in outer life, accomplish a lot in life, but nothing happened. I realized why I was given caring husband and parents; because I was not ready for responsibility in either worlds. And the time when GOD/Almighty was preparing me for this world, I needed someone to take care of me. I would have never started this journey without them.

Responsibility and acceptance go hand in hand, both are incomplete without each other. They are like two sides of the same coin. Every circumstance, situation, and surroundings require our responsibility or acceptance. Generally, both follow each other. It is easy to take responsibility on our shoulders when things and situations are favorable but life doesn’t remain same for anyone. What is today, is bound to CHANGE. That’s the one thing that is constant in life.

We all come across a point in life, either in our personal or professional lives, where we want to play blame games and love to live in illusion. We do this because we are scared to face the reality and are happy wearing our rosy glasses. Sometimes, we think we are happy being in dark room and refuse to come out in sunlight.

We fail to take full responsibility of our lives because it is the easiest way out of the situation. You must have heard complaints like I failed in the exam because of you; I could not adjust with my husband because of my in laws & his bad friends; my husband’s behavior; I could not succeed in office because of my boss; I cannot reduce weight; I simply cannot do this. Even as a child, when we get hurt, we blame our friends, non living things like table/chair or even situations. I have a friend, whose son has a habit of blaming the situations, he uses a sophisticated term “distraction”. I got distracted because TV was on a high volume. This all starts with small things at a tender age and increases to big things and decisions. We become wired from very young age, we set our beliefs, our patterns and slowly they become part of our lives. Take responsibility that you failed, could not adjust, or are unhappy because of yourself.

Second important thing we should feed in our mind is that there are no meaning for words like I cannot, couldn’t, or not possible. I think we should take full control of your life. I know riding a horse is tough if we don’t know how to ride, but once we learn the technique we love the ride and it is more fun. Its because initially we are scared of getting hurt, ultimately it is an awesome experience. Let us all start by taking full responsibility of our lives wherever we are in our journey. The moment we take our own responsibility, half of the fights and whining will stop and it will surely give us strength to face the situations.

But for some of us taking responsibility is kind of failure or focusing on our negative emotions. Sometimes, we focus so much on seeing good, that we we keep ignoring our own faults.  And to take responsibility of our own action is kind of a blame to our EGOS.  We prefer to blame others and situations rather then ourselves. We try so hard to fix everything on outside, that we slowly become control freaks.

However, there are some people who take responsibility of wrong but cannot accept themselves, or their behavior. This results in low self esteem. So, we should be careful in taking responsibility; it should come along with the acceptance.

What is the true meaning of acceptance? It means agreement which is done by our choice, rather than by force, or when we feel helpless in life. Our choice should be of freedom from all evil thoughts, doings, and emotions.

We think under sudden situations we cannot take responsibility. I heard people asking How can we take responsibility, if someone else’s final decision is going to affect us? For example: if a patient dies because of doctors mistake, or an innocent person is charged by a judge. How should we take the responsibility in such complex matters? How long can you fight, argue, or cry – we all know the pain in such cases. So, sooner or later we accept these situation. It is best if we try to handle such situations by will and try to accept them by finding the true message from those situations.

We all love freedom, but why we don’t accept. Acceptance leads to freedom. It does not mean we have to take our life which ever way it comes. It leads to creation and a way to our inner-self. If we do not accept anything there & then in situation, result will be reaction. Acceptance requires little change in our belief system and makes life very easy and simple. Sometimes, we might think, why should I accept, others should accept me? Why should we do most of the work, first outside and then inside ourself. Please keep in mind, we are doing all this self improvement for ourselves and to gain strength. It is our exercise/effort which we are doing to make our life beautiful and for our peace and health.

We want to control everything in today’s life.  Let me tell you a secret, acceptance leads to true controlling. True controlling is when we can control our reactions, emotions, behavior rather than asking others to change their lives and behavior according to us.

We may start with one person,/situation/or physical attribute or anything outside or inside that you want to change for yourself. Anything that is causing problems, creating envy feelings,  hate, ill will, envy in you. Just one thing that is taking us away from who, we internally are. Accept it today totally and get in charge of it. Take a scenario where couple is having lots of fights, or there is situation which is very unpleasant, or we want to change our weight, or some physical attribute.

Accept —> others, yourself, or situation

Cause —>  find in yourself first

Steps for Acceptance Process:

  1. First thing is accept only the person, situation, place, or ourselves and not the outcome. I have accepted my spouse, our fights, or my weight, but this is not going to work i.e. we are not going to get the outcome/end result which we want to see like no arguments/fight, look good with zero figure. In short, we accept the end result, along with the situation.
  2. Second, now think about the cause of this problem. Make sure cause is related to you, not with other person. Acceptance does not lead to reaction and heavy emotions. For example If we have a fight with our spouse/partner, cause must be within ourself. Don’t think/focus about spouse/partner’s mistakes. If we think about other person as cause or focus on their mistakes, it will lead to reaction which can effect relationship with your spouse/partner. We may have feelings like envy, ill will, jealousy etc.,. Similarly, if we want to loose weight, but we go outside with friend and enjoy food with lot of fat, cause would be our lack of control and not our friends.; nobody forced you to eat such food. One can go out with friends to have fun and make healthy food choices.
  3. Another most important step is “Drop it: If you have accepted your mistake, don’t crib on it. How can I do this? It’s okay; everyone make mistakes. Be gentle on yourself. Acknowledge the mistake first within yourself, before saying “Sorry”. But, if someone else did something bad to you, feel their pain, and drop it too. Please do not get attach to their pain, or reciprocate back in same manner. If we attach to other’s pain, we also get affected with same pain cannot empower them, love them, bring them to right path, or awake them. If we simply want to revenge, ask yourself why we want to punish ourselves for others. Reactions and emotions of revenge, ill will, jealousy, envy will only lead us to pain.
  4. Lastly, move forward towards right path, without any hard feelings or emotions. We should feel light and empowered from within. If not, we are not on right path. Be honest and find the answers.

    Most of us, get stuck on how to DROP any hard feelings then & there; we carry them in our hearts for many years. Most people punish themselves for others fault or their own fault for very long. Only fault is not to learn and grow from our experiences with different people/situation in a way that enrich our soul. So, we should feel light and fly like a feather, rather than carrying pain in our heart, for any reason. No reason is as important as our true being. So, never torture yourself with baseless reasons.

    None of us have any control on outside situations, what we love the most or want the most in life, teaches us the most. Please keep in mind, outside world is not always as per our wants/desires, even if our wants/desires are simple. A person with simple desire will get most complex things in life and vice versa. Life is not about loosing heart and cribbing about things/situations that didn’t work according to our desire. Life is about living with joy & love and without any envy, ill will, or jealousy.

    There are moments in life when we get tests from almighty God; this is not to put us down. This is to check what we have learnt from our situations and to empower our soul. Finally, when we have reached to a certain standard, we are bumped up to next level. Hardest part is even if you have reached higher levels, you can still have random tests anytime from the levels already passed. Better be proficient, or you will be stuck forever in your situations.

My journey from little self to true self…

Each one of us is on our own unique journey in this life. Most of us are on our outside  worldly journey, completely unaware of any inner self journey. Sooner or later, we all will realize, our purpose in this life. We all are here to contribute in a positive way to ourselves and to world around us. We are here to learn and live life in a simple way, which is beyond our accomplishments, our egos, or social status. In my life, I am going through both phases, let me share my experiences.

Outside Worldly Journey

I was born to most nice parents in the world and was younger one in the family. My childhood was very simple except for one strange thing that happened to me till I entered my teens.  There were moments in my life when everything around me went num, sometimes I had to pinch myself, to see if it is a dream or reality. At that moment, I couldn’t understand what was happening to me, but today I realize those were moments of complete presence.

IMG_0182During school life, I always ran after good grades. Though I studied hard, somehow never got good grades. Reason could be my nervousness and anxious nature. All my cousins use to flaunt their A or A+ grades, that buried me in so much pressure. I always wanted to be like them. When I reached college , I was frustrated of studying too much. At that time, I decided to change my motto of life – Be Happy, and Let it go. I started doingwhat I always wanted to do: relax & enjoy, and stopped running after grades in order to prove myself. When I was least expecting, things changed for me. I completed my MBA in early 20’s and came in the list of top students of University.

After completing my post graduation, I got married and we moved to USA. To settle in a new country, we had to undergo lot of struggle and hardships of life, which I was not ready for. I started loving money more than anything. I thought may be all struggles will end when we have lots and lots of money. But to my dismay, more I ran after money, more it ran away from me.

Initially after coming to USA, I was not able to work due to VISA constraints and was taking care of my kid. But after years of waiting when I got EAD to work, I started searching for a good and

stable job. Even after submitting my resume to every possible job opening, I didn’t get any interview call. I started becoming anxious and desperate of getting stable job in a good company. But, that was the only thing I was not getting. I became frustrated of job search, financial situation, and all problems of life. I gave a thought to myself, nothing is going to change for me, why I am wasting my life. Let me enjoy life and stay happy irrespective what life is offering to me.

Within few days, I got a job in small company. Initially it was hard for me to work in small startups. Slowly, I started enjoying my work. I worked honestly with all my best efforts. After working there for 9 months, I started becoming frustrated and unhappy due to work politics, which I was never good at handling. Everyday, I used to close my eyes and cried to GOD, can’t you see my honest efforts, please get me a better job where I get chance to prove my abilities. Soon I got a call from a very well established company,  which placed me in one of the TOP companies of the world. I thanked God, and started working as per best of my ability. But never realized how it happened and why it happened, or what was happening to me.

Universe was always giving me signals. I never understood these through outside journey, till I dived deep inside.

Inner Self Journey

The moment I was aligned to my true self in life, things in outer world got in place. I never knew there is inner world within each one of us, till I started searching for word LOVE.

Until 2012, I was running after physical things, materialistic stuff, which most of us do. But there was always a feeling of something missing and I didn’t know what it was.

I knew LOVE is the greatest feeling in life. But, why I am not experiencing LOVE despite being in midst of all relations. Why I am missing this feeling, may be I lacked emotions, or I was more practical.

Then I began searching for the word LOVE, I used to search online and tried reading books for the definition of TRUE Love – is it parental love, love with your partner/spouse, or with your kids, what is it? I started looking for pure unconditional love. But realized  all my relations were on give and take basis, so everything and everyone seemed fake and selfish to me. I tried so hard to find this LOVE in relations, that I broke some relations, started wrong relations. Finally, I decided to take a break from all this and started exploring myself, what actually I was looking for.

I started meditating, was reading lots of literature, and self improvement books. I came to know there is some guidance within all of us. I thought of leading my life with my inner guidance. This guidance lead me through lots of pitfalls, I failed thousand times, and sometimes found myself unfit in this world.

Sometime, I wished I could have found happiness in desires, success, material things. And sometime, I assumed my path was wrong. I started following others on their journey. The moment I started following other people, my internal consciousness got blocked and had same feeling of disconnect, not align, something missing. So, I made my mind to do as directed by my inner self.

I simply started listening to each and every call through my inner conscious, though not always pleasant. Eventually these signals which I was getting from inside, seem to come outside in my physical world. I noticed, universe was talking to me, through numbers, phrases and answering my queries.

One day I was driving to work, with same question about LOVE, why nobody LOVES me (actually they all did but I was looking for something else in these relations), soon I saw a message on car’s number plate -“Feel the love”. I had never seen any message on any car like this before. For the first time, it clicked to me may be I am getting some clues, some answers. It gave me encouragement to move ahead on my inner journey with uplifted mood and joy this time. I got more signals like clock time 11:11, number 7, Be Happy, Humming Birds around, people who were on same vibration and same mindset started coming to my life.

If anytime I do not work according to my intuition, I start feeling disconnected with myself and Universe. What I have learnt so far is if we take one step towards our true inner self, try getting closer to God within us, or on right spiritual path, we will get the leads and steps towards light. Though in some cases these steps may not be quite easy, but if you are determined to walk and explore the world within yourself, you will find the key under each stone. Each of these steps lead me to the path of self realization and self improvement.

I still don’t know how long is the path, how many stepping stones are still there before I finally reach my destination. Will I be able to finish this journey in one life or continue in multiple lives? I have questions, curiosity, and I always ask questions to GOD within myself. I always get the answer “ACCEPT”, let it go if you don’t know anything, and go with the flow. Universe and God are there to help us all, love us all, and guide us all.

Just don’t suppress your Inner consciousness/Intuition; try to follow it. Since everyone of us has a unique journey, our callings may be different too. Some people get awakened from sleep state by calling of pain, by love, or by tragedy, but the destination is the same. Sometimes, it may appear we are stuck and everybody is moving fast forward; have patience and keep in mind, end is not easily available on the next turn. The experience and peace that we get on this journey is incredible and will not be available else where.

I have not reached my destination, but I have understood TRUE LOVE is within ourselves. TRUE LOVE is like a light or someone watching us quietly from inside what we do all day long. It sleeps with us, wakes with us, it will stay with us forever even when nobody is around. If everybody leaves us, we still have LOVE, oceans of TRUE LOVE. This ocean is so deep & pure that once you tap into, it will create ripples of LOVE with which you can connect to anyone, even those who may have left you. No living being on this planet EARTH can stay away from pure unconditional love for long.  We can give to others what we have it ourselves. So, to give this Love to others we must taste it, explore it, before sharing with others on this journey of life.